Understanding what your ego wants can be challenging. In this article, I’ll share some insights about the ego and how you might work with it to gain a better understanding of it and yourself.
What do you think when you hear the word ego? Do you immediately think of good or bad things? It’s easy to assume it’s all bad because the word is often used when referring to a person who is arrogant or cocky. We will often say they have a “huge ego.”
However, ego is certainly not inherently ‘bad’, indeed it is essential to our being able to live an autonomous and self-directed life.
As with so many things that relate to health – physical, mental and emotional – whether something is healthy or not comes down to balance. Is there an unhealthy deficit or excess? Or is there a healthy, optimal balance?
Looking at ‘ego’ with a more neutral lens will enable us to understand the meaning of the word better, and ultimately, of ourselves.
Before we look at the negative and positive aspects of the ego, let us first understand what it truly means.
The word ego comes from the Latin word meaning ‘I.’ It is often used when referring to oneself. For example, the Latin translation of ‘I love you’ is literally ‘Ego amo te.’
Nowadays, we describe the ego as a part of a person that defines itself as an entity separate from others. Simply put, the ego is part of our identity.
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How Does Our Ego Influence Us?
In Freud’s theory, the ego refers to the part of our personality that regulates our ‘id,’ or a person’s animalistic desires. It also helps balance our ‘superego,’ or the moral and social standards that we uphold.
Our ego can influence our behavior in different ways. Because of our ego, we can control ourselves from acting upon our basic urges. We become more aware of our surroundings and the social mores that govern us.
For example, if someone wrongs us, our primary animalistic response is to retaliate in ways that could harm them.
However, because we are aware of reality (and the consequences of taking harmful actions), we can respond more appropriately, in ways that are more socially acceptable.
The Two Sides of Ego
Ego is a complex thing, and how it manifests in our lives can be a difficult thing to understand.
Ego is the voice in our heads which tells us what we want, what we need, and what we deserve. It’s the voice that says “I’m better than you” or “I’m not good enough” or “you’re too good for me.”
We all have an ego. We all experience the positive side of ego – it’s what pushes us to do great things and accomplish our goals.
But when people use their ego for negative purposes – to make themselves feel better about themselves by putting other people down or making them feel small – then it becomes a problem.
The Positive - The Good Side
Stripping off our initial (and mostly negative) connotation of the word ego, we see that a positive and healthy ego can help us tremendously. Our ego is meant to be a way for us to view the world as it helps us mediate our surroundings.
Through a positive ego, we can see things rationally and realistically. When our positive ego governs us, we do not act purely for our own interests. Instead, we become more objective and see things in a neutral, less judgmental way.
Ego is a part of one’s personality that reflects their sense of self-worth. It is not a bad thing to have.
Ego strength and self-esteem are linked together. A person with high ego strength has high self-esteem and vice versa. Ego strength can be developed by working on your weaknesses and skills, learning from mistakes, taking risks and being open to feedback from others.
The good side of ego is that it helps you take control over your life by motivating you to do things that you might not otherwise do if you didn’t have any ego at all.
You may not want to go out there in the world just because it feels safer to stay at home, but if you have some ego then you will probably want to venture out into the world because your sense of self is at stake.
Ego is also important because it helps you to feel good about the things that you do and makes you feel confident. If your ego isn’t strong enough, then it may be hard to carry yourself head-high when in times of trouble.
The Negative - The Bad Side
Our first thoughts of ego usually relate to someone being arrogant or self-centered. This would be the negative aspect of ego.
A “better-than” attitude begins to develop when the negative ego dominates. This type of person will think more about their image and reputation. They will do things that will make them appear better than others.
The negative ego is also related to various personality issues, such as egotism, egocentrism, and egoism.
- Egotism is when a person evaluates themself more favorably than what is reality.
- Egocentrism is when the person interprets events solely based on their views.
- Egoism refers to the motivation to act purely on self-interest.
Ego can be destructive in the workplace. Narcissism is a trait that causes people to behave in a selfish and self-centered way. This behavior can lead to other people feeling excluded, ignored, or unimportant.
Narcissists are often considered to be arrogant and boastful. They tend to want admiration from others and often take credit for things that they didn’t do.
Using Ego to Your Advantage
Our ego is part of who we are; therefore, it is possible to experience both its negative and positive aspects. There are situations wherein we fail to see things objectively and only want to acknowledge our own views. There are situations whereby we think favorably of ourselves over others, ignoring rational thought and complete objectivity.
So how can you make use of your ego to your advantage? Simple – keep in mind that there are two sides to your ego, and it can sometimes be easy to swing towards the negative side. Having that awareness allows you to become more mindful of your thoughts, actions, and behaviors. This will help you be more rational, realistic, and objective while avoiding the trappings of being self-centered and selfish.
The negative ego is reflected in behaviors that put you always first above others, whether related to needs, opinions, or self-perception. The positive ego has a more objective take on situations, which lets you navigate life more realistically and rationally.
Conclusion
The ego is a part of our human nature. It has been a part of human behavior since the beginning of time. The ego is the driver that pushes us to reach our goals, but it can also cause us to make bad decisions. Understanding how our ego works, and how it affects our choices, can help us make wise decisions in life and become more self-aware.
Ego is a powerful force that can be used for good or for bad. Understanding how it works, and how to use it to your advantage, will give you the power to succeed.
It is important that we understand what ego is and what it can do for us. Ego helps us understand ourselves and the world around us better. It also gives us confidence in our abilities and motivates us to take on challenges.
Ego can also be a hindrance if we let it get too big or if we are not able to control it properly. We should always remember that ego is not bad, but just something that needs to be managed so that it doesn’t get in the way of our goals.
